Acceptance – The First Step
Toward Healing After Divorce
By John Binkley
Divorce is a difficult process. Truly, it is one of the hardest experiences most of us will go through in life.
One of the first and most important emotional tasks in this journey is acceptance. It’s a simple word, but it represents a complex and often painful process of coming to terms with what is, rather than what you wish could be.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with the divorce.
It doesn’t mean that you’re not hurt, angry, or disappointed. It means acknowledging, deep down, that the relationship as you knew it is over. It’s about understanding that no matter how much you might want things to be different, this chapter has come to an end.
This can be especially difficult when you’re still grieving the loss of your marriage or clinging to hopes of reconciliation. You might find yourself replaying conversations, imagining ways things could have worked out, or bargaining with yourself to find a path back to what you had. These thoughts are normal parts of the grieving process. But if you stay stuck in these loops, you may find it hard to move forward.
Acceptance is about gently telling yourself the truth. It’s allowing yourself to say, “This is real. This is happening. I may not like it, but I can face it.” In many ways, acceptance is an act of courage. It takes bravery to stop resisting reality and start working with what’s in front of you.
Practically speaking, acceptance can look like allowing yourself to feel your sadness and grief without fighting them. It might mean giving yourself permission to stop trying to change your ex’s mind, or to let go of dreams that no longer fit your circumstances. It can also mean making small, concrete decisions like moving your belongings to a new home or setting new boundaries around communication with your ex that reinforce the reality of the divorce.
Therapy can be incredibly helpful in this stage. A therapist can provide a safe, non-judgmental space where you can express your feelings and start to untangle the complicated emotions that come with divorce. Through this process, you may find that while acceptance doesn’t erase your pain, it does open the door to a different kind of peace.
Acceptance is not a one-time event. It’s a process you return to again and again, especially on days when the reality of your new life feels overwhelming. Over time, as you lean into this task, you may notice small signs of relief. You may find yourself sleeping better, feeling less reactive, or noticing moments of calm that once felt impossible. These are all signs that you’re making progress.
Ultimately, acceptance is the first step in reclaiming your power after divorce. It doesn’t change what happened, but it changes how you relate to it. It frees up energy you may have spent on fighting the past, so you can start building a future that feels more aligned with who you are now. While it’s not an easy step, it is one that will carry you forward on the path to healing.
If you’re wondering if therapy would help you as you navigate difficult changes in your relationship, give us a call. We’ll be happy to help you determine your next steps.