If you’re looking for therapy, what do you think matters most for the work to be “successful”?  Credentials, experience, a specific therapy model?

Surprisingly, research shows that the biggest indicator of “success” for therapy is the relationship between you and your therapist. 

That’s a bit wild, isn’t it? It’s more relevant than the type of therapy you do, the model of therapy the practitioner uses, and how experienced the therapist is.  Now obviously, those things matter, just not quite as much as the trust, connection, and sense of emotional safety you build with your therapist. 

So how do you go about finding a therapist that’s a good fit?  There are a few helpful tips I’d like to share. 

Early in your search for a new therapist, I recommend asking folks you trust who they’ve liked working with.  Odds are high that if your best friend likes their therapist, you would too.  Now – if you’re going to therapy to talk about that best friend in therapy, the therapist wouldn’t be able to support you in that because of the dual relationship.  But as long as you’re focusing on other things, you’re good to go.   

If you don’t have a friend that you can ask, then Psychology Today is a great starting point. There are plenty of filters for things like location, therapist gender, specialization topics, and availability.  From here, you can read the bios and get a sense of what the practitioner is like.  I’m aware that many of the biographies are similar, but you can still get a feel for how formal or informal someone is and whether they express themselves in a way that resonates with you.  Some therapists will also post videos, which give you even more insight into their personality. 

I also recommend going to the therapist’s website. Sometimes, in addition to the “About” page, you can find articles or other content that they have created - like this page.  This is a great way to learn more about them, their voice, their perspective and see if it’s something you jive with. 

As you start to reach out to therapists to see if they’re available, you can use this as a chance to ask questions and discern fit.  Most offices will have staff that can help match you up with a practitioner based on your needs and preferences. By sharing what it is you want to work on or what type of personality you think would be a good fit for you, they can help you narrow down your options. 

Of course, none of this compares to meeting someone in person and trying to open up to them.  In your first session, your therapist is likely trying to learn a lot about you, such as your reason for coming to therapy and your background.  So this session might not always give you the best scope of what they’re like. 

However, within 4 sessions or so, you should have a good sense of their personality – how talkative they are, how direct they are, and how they respond to your emotions. 3 or 4 sessions isn’t a hard and fast rule, but more of a measuring stick- by then you should be getting into the meat of your work and have a sense of your willingness to open up. 

My goal as a therapist, from the outset, is for you to feel comfortable being vulnerable, receptive to my deeper inquiries and alternative perspectives, and able to discuss what is effective (and what isn’t) in our working relationship. 

Nothing can replace how you get to know someone over time, however within a month or so of working together, if you’re not feeling like you can open up OR tell the therapist that you need them to do something differently – then I encourage you to consider how those feelings will impact the long-term relationship.  If it’s not a good match for you, that’s okay! Therapists want you to be successful, and if it isn’t with them, then that’s okay.  I always invite folks to share feedback with me so we can try to work together better, but if it’s not a match, then it’s not a match.  Therapists should be happy to provide you with referrals and, after getting to know you for a few sessions, will likely be able to point you to someone with a personality that is a better fit. 

I hope this provided some helpful directions for how to find a therapist that’s right for you. If you think that I or any of our Full Circle Family therapists would be helpful for you, then please reach out!