Something that’s been interesting as a counselor is how often couples come in with years of built-up frustrations about their partner. By the time they sit on the therapy couch, things have been simmering for a long time. In fact, research shows that couples experience nearly three years of “serious relationship problems” before reaching out for help*. 

Three years! That’s a long time to sit with pain, disconnection, or resentment. 

By the time therapy is on the table, it can feel like a make-or-break moment; it’s one last shot to see if the relationship can be saved. If that’s how folks come into therapy, there’s a lot of pressure wrapped up in how it goes in the first few sessions.  Which is understandable! You care about the relationship, and you’re hoping things can shift. But with so much tension and emotional buildup, it’s not easy to just drop your guard and dive into vulnerability. Therapy can help, but it also takes effort and courage from both partners. 

One of the most valuable things a couple can do is come to therapy before things feel critical. You don’t need to wait until the wheels are coming off to reach out for support. In fact, the earlier you address the patterns that aren’t working, the more energy you’ll have to shift them and the more connected you’ll feel along the way. 

So, what are some signs that therapy might help, even if you’re not in full-blown crisis? Here are a few “yellow flags” to look out for: 

1. You’re stuck in a cycle. 
Maybe you’re arguing about the same topic in the same way over and over again. Or maybe it’s less about what you say and more about the emotional dance you do, one that leaves both of you feeling unheard or frustrated. If the patterns feel predictable (and not in a good way), therapy can help you identify them and shift the cycle. 

2. Certain topics feel off-limits. 
If there’s something you feel like you can’t talk about, whether it’s because you’re afraid of your partner’s reaction or your own shame gets in the way, that’s a sign worth paying attention to. Unspoken issues have a way of building until they spill out in ways that feel explosive or hurtful. 

3. You’re feeling alone in the relationship. 
If you consistently feel misunderstood, disconnected, or like you have to keep parts of yourself tucked away, that can chip away at intimacy. The longer that sense of loneliness lingers, the harder it becomes to bridge the gap. 

4. You have a gut feeling that something needs attention. 
Even if your partner doesn’t share the same concern, your instincts are valid. If something feels off, or you notice a growing distance, it’s worth naming it early. Sometimes just having a space to explore that with a therapist can help clarify what’s really going on and give you the skills to talk about it going forward. 

Bringing up therapy can feel like a big ask - it’s vulnerable and even a little scary. But couples therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis. It’s for any couple who wants to show up better for each other, communicate more effectively, and grow a relationship that feels safe, strong, and meaningful. 

Having a neutral, supportive person guide the conversations you’ve been avoiding, or don’t know how to have, can make all the difference. And investing in your relationship now, before things feel unfixable, can set you up for deeper connection in the long run. 

If you’re wondering if therapy would help your relationship, give us a call and we’ll be happy to help you determine your next steps.