As if navigating divorce wasn’t already emotionally taxing, telling your children about it can feel like one of the most daunting parts of the process. You might find yourself wondering: How will they react? Will they blame themselves? What if they’re angry at me or shut me out? 

The fact that you’re thinking about how this will impact your children is a powerful sign—you care deeply, and you want to get it right. That intention matters. When handled thoughtfully and with empathy, this conversation can help minimize confusion and emotional distress, and instead offer your children the beginning of a healthy adjustment to a big life change. 

First, Let’s Be Honest: This Is a Big Change 

Before we go any further, it’s important to acknowledge that no matter how gently you approach the conversation, this is a disruption. There’s no way around that. Your children are going to have feelings—possibly big ones—and that’s okay. Our goal isn’t to present the divorce in a way that avoids or eliminates their reactions. Instead, the aim is to create a safe space for them to process, express, and work through what comes up. 

The Golden Guidelines for Telling Your Children 

Here are a few foundational guidelines to help you navigate the conversation with care: 

• Present the news together, if possible. It’s best if both parents can share the news as a united front. This reassures kids that, while things are changing, their parents are still a team when it comes to supporting them. 

• Avoid blame. This isn’t the time to point fingers or explain who initiated the divorce. Speaking poorly about the other parent—even indirectly—can place children in a loyalty bind that adds unnecessary emotional strain. 

• Keep it simple and age-appropriate. Your children don’t need to know the ins and outs of the divorce or the complexities of your adult relationship. Stick to the basics: “We’ve decided to live in two separate homes,” or “We’ve realized we’re not going to stay married, but we both still love you very much.” 

• Reassure them. Repeat this more than once: This is not your fault. We both love you. We are still your parents. Kids need to hear this clearly and often. 

• Create space for emotion. However they respond—whether with tears, anger, silence, or questions—let them know it’s okay. You might say, “It’s normal to have a lot of different feelings about this,” or “Whatever you’re feeling right now is okay.” 

Timing Matters 

Children thrive on predictability, and uncertainty can be a major source of stress. That’s why timing the conversation is key. You want to give them enough time to begin adjusting, without leaving them in limbo for too long. 

• For younger children (under 7–8 years old), aim to talk to them about 2 weeks before a major change, like one parent moving out. 

• For older children, a 3–4 week window can be more appropriate. 

Try to wait until you have some concrete answers about what daily life will look like. Kids will likely want to know: Where will I live? Will I still go to the same school? How will I talk to the other parent? Having clarity on these details can offer a sense of stability amid change. 

What If You’re Still Working Things Out? 

It’s completely normal for parents to spend weeks or months planning and negotiating the logistics of separation before telling their children. That’s actually a good thing—it allows you to approach the conversation with more certainty and calm. But be mindful not to bring your children into the process too early. Telling them something is happening long before it actually does can create prolonged anxiety. Shorter timelines with clearer information are easier for them to digest. 

Expect Follow-Ups 

The initial conversation may be relatively short, but the emotional processing won’t be. Expect your children to circle back with more questions or feelings in the days and weeks that follow. Treat each of these moments with the same openness and care as the first. Some children may benefit from additional support, whether it’s from a school counselor, therapist, or trusted adult. Our team is here to help, if you need guidance or therapeutic support along the way. 

Take Care of Yourself, Too 

Don’t forget—you’re human. This is likely one of the more emotionally demanding moments you’ll face as a parent, and holding space for your children requires you to have some space for yourself, too. Reach out to your own support network, take breaks when you can, and give yourself permission to grieve, rest, or process in your own time. 

You’re not expected to be perfect—just present, caring, and willing to keep showing up for your kids as best you can. 

Coming Soon: We’ll be sharing a follow-up article with suggestions for how to tailor this conversation to your children’s developmental stage—from toddlers to teens. Stay tuned!